I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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