I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
