everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
