i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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