My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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