this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
