I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
