there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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