Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
