sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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