I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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