She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
