Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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