i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
