She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
