Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
