My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
