The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
