I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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