Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
