exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
