I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
