Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
