Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize