for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
