Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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