Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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