Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize