She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
