OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
