I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
