i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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