just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
