It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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