My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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