I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize