Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
