this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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