I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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