You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
