I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
