...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
