I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
