new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
