no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
