The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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