your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize