so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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