i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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