The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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