Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
