is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
