And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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