I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize