I molested 6 butterflies tonight
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
