The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
