During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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