oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
