Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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