My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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