I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
