We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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