My hand turned me down
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
