Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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