I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
