I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
