I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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