Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
