i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
