you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
