I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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