Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
love makes seman taste better
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Bring me that man meat
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
