I am puke
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
