So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
