I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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