Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
