I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
