Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
