i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
