Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I would fuck him just for his dog
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
