Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
