Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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