I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
