Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
