the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
