On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I skipped work to stalk him.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
