I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
