He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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