I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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