32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
