I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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