dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My vagina is officially offended.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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