an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There are leaves in my underwear?
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