ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
