Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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