we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
