Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
