he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
