Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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