just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
