....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
