I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
