the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
