"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
