I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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