This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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